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Alright, so a friend of mine had this beyond awesome blog of all the wonderful things she would like to do before she was 30. Between her blog and all this recent news about leap lists, I have decided I would like to give it a shot. There are so many things that I would like to accomplish, but I have been so preoccupied with school, work, and my family that I haven't really thought about all of the things I would like to accomplish before I become a not-so-young adult.
Alright, so here is my (starter) Leap List:
1. Graduate Nursing school, pass my boards, and find a job (that I love)!
2. Buy a house. Not just any house, but my dream house. In fact I would be 100% ok if the house looked remotely like this:
3. Learn to love running.
4. Go on a real hike, maybe even an over-night hike.
5. Apply for Grad school, for my Masters, to pursue my goal of becoming a Nurse Practitioner.
6. Learn how to meditate, and do so daily.
7. Fly somewhere, anywhere.
8. Go to Disney World and instead of being the "Ring Leader" try to kick back, relax and, enjoy the vacation. (Also, find at least 100 Hidden Mickeys, finally ride the "Toy Story" ride at Hollywood Studios, and get the kids onto the Star Wars jedi training.)
9. Go on a vacation anywhere other than Disney World (without the kids). Somewhere like this:
or...
10. Participate in a lesser known charity walk (or event).
I have been searching and have already found a few options:
1. 6th Annual Defend Your Friend - This walk is for all the animals in the local humane society... and you can walk with your pet!
2. Path for Peace - in 2010 2 little boys were murdered by their own father and this walk is to support organizations that prevent child abuse and family violence.
3. Walk a Mile in Her Shoes - A walk where men and women, alike, can walk a milk in high heels to bring awareness on human trafficking and support Gracehaven (a safe shelter).
4. Walk in the Park for Parkinsons - I lost my Grandfather this past Christmas Eve and unfortunately was due to complications with Parkinson's, so I would like to do my part to help raise awareness and funds to help.
5. Family Fun Walk & Run for Diabetes - I lost my Grandmother this past July and although her passing wasn't directly due to Diabetes, I am sure her very long battle with diabetes played a large part. Although this walk is, probably, well known it hits so close to home, and it would be the least I can do to try and help.
6. Beerathlon 5K - Alright... so this isn't necessarily a charity event but how can anyone not participate in an event that is about walking/running then BWW's and drinks?!
11. Visit The Wilds. Every year I mean to do this and every year we forget!
12. Volunteer at Cory's school, at least, once a month.
13. Do Christmas in Gatlinburg, with the whole family. It would be gorgeous with the mountains, the lights, and hopefully the snow!
14. Learn to Dance... any kind of dance, just learn how to move with some sort of rhythm.
15. Finally make make use of the scrapbook stuff I have been collecting but not using over the years.
There you have it folks! Now, I just need to make time for some of these over the next few months as I prepare to accomplish Leap List item #1!
I cannot believe how fast time has been flying past me the past few months....
Well, since my last post I am now Mrs. Mollenkopf, had a wonderful time in Tennessee, and a magical time at Disney World! I am half-way through with my Pediatrics class - which means I am only 7 months away from graduation. It sounds like forever, but when I rationalize I realize it is only 3 courses (after this one)! I will have 8 weeks of OB, then 8 weeks of Psych, and finally 8 weeks of Critical Care! I try not to think about all of that because then I begin getting extremely nervous about the NCLEX and all the stress that will bring.
So to distract myself and to cure my post-Mickey blues I have already begun planning our next Disney World trip which will (hopefully) be happening in approximately 440 days (January 2013). I may be a little ahead of myself on this one, but I already have out hotel picked out. We will definitely be staying at the Bay Lake Towers, which is walking distance to the Magic Kingdom! Also, we decided this time we are going to stay 9 days so we have time for the parks and will also have some down time! Well, when I brought this up to my LOVELY husband he informed me that we are not to go on another Disney trip until we have our honeymoon... I can't blame him, some time away from the kids would be wonderful. So, that lead me to start planning another trip to (hopefully) happen right after I graduate this June. Dustin really wants to go to Hawaii, but we decided for the time being we might have to make it Mexico to save a little money. I have been looking at some gorgeous resorts on the caribbean side, near Cancun. I am trying not to get too distracted in planning all of this because then I will completely ignore all of my schoolwork I should be doing... not to mention we aren't necessarily made of money and this requires some tricky budgeting. Anyone who wants to come party in Mexico in June is more than welcome to come along!!
Now, the children! Coltan had his 4th birthday on the 10th and was seriously depressed when Dustin took down all of his Birthday decorations. I am pretty sure he thought his birthday should last forever! He is continuously a riot, saying some of the most ridiculously funny things I could ever imagine. Today he told me that this little scratch on his nose came from a monster. He told me the monster came into his room and "put it on me." Then when asked where the monster came from, he told me he was from the "monster house." When I asked what the monster looked like he, very seriously, said it was "red with purple polka dots." What I wouldn't give for that imagination, love that kid to pieces! Cory is doing great and kicking butt at school. He has a play tomorrow where he is going to be an English settler and has memorized his paragraph like a pro! He was very nervous at first but has since become very proud of his accomplishment. He has recently discovered a love of soccer, which is awesome - now he is wanting to join a soccer team! I have said he would be great at soccer, that boy has such high energy and loves to run. Emma turned 13 this past week, which is absolutely insane that she is actually a teenager. She and Chloe are both helping me to plan our next Disney trip, I feel like I have passed my Disney obsession along to them =). Chloe is doing great, and totally kicking butt at school - middle school is turning out to be pretty awesome for her!
Hopefully I will be able to get my hands on some Disney pictures and will post a picture update soon! For the time being I just wanted to update my blog before I completely forgot about it, now to start decorating for Christmas!!
Oh, and Thanks to all of my friends and family that made my wedding day one of the best days of my life!
I never thought the day would come when my sister and I would not be close. I knew our priorities were going in different directions, but I always figured we would have each other to keep us grounded, together, and bonded. I was wrong. It still stings, pretty bad, so I won't go into detail but the day did come. My sister and I are no longer on talking terms... it is a rough situation.
2 weeks before my wedding and I am short my entire bridal party (totally awesome, hah)! I always told myself I didn't need 15 people standing up there with me because I would have my sister. Now I don't have a bridal party, a Maid of Honor, or anyone to stand up with me.
Not only is this situation causing me great sadness and sorrow, but we can add embarrassment on top of everything. Who on earth bails from an event that means so much to a "loved" one? I say "loved" because there is no way you can love someone and honestly do this to them.
Everyone keeps asking how the wedding plans are coming along, and the truth is they are about finished... except now I am starting from scratch and need to find someone to stand up there with me and can fit into the darn dress we bought. My mother has been my best friend for so long... but she already has so many roles that day. UGH... unnecessary stress, for sure. This stupid stress is leading me to not get any stupid sleep which is putting me in a pretty stupid bad mood. Just stupid stuff!
On a better note, Dustin's sister (in-law) threw us a lovely prenuptial party and I had a really great time. I was nervous that none of my family would be there, but they are soon going to be my family so it was really nice getting some time alone to get to know them even more. I cannot wait for the wedding to have both families come together, it will be so much fun!
Now I just have to make it through tonight and 5 more days of work, and then I am out of work for 2 weeks... OMGosh, I cannot wait. I SERIOUSLY need a break from reality, my mind can barely take it!
I have been feeling full of love and butterflies lately so I decided I would share my thoughts on longterm relationships.
Growing up I always watched fairytales and thought that Prince Charming would just show up, sweep me off my feet, and we would ride away to live happily ever after. Then, as I came into High School, I kept hearing adults say how much "work" a relationship was to maintain. I thought these people were nuts, there was no way true love would take actual work. Out of high school I had my first grown-up relationship and that failed miserably, and not for lack of trying but just because we were too different. My whole world was flipped upside down when I moved to Ohio and I had no intention of meeting anyone anytime soon, but of course when you least expect it is when it happens. Dustin sort of broke all of my rules and it didn't really matter because something felt so right with him. We moved forward, we had some unexpected things happen *Coltan* and that was really hard for me to handle considering my past. I gave Dustin some very hard times while I was pregnant, but not out of spite but because I was trying to figure everything out as well. Anyway, he stuck around and fast forward 4 years later and here we are. Relationships do take some work, but nothing that I would ever complain about. Relationships involve arguments, negotiating, and learning... still nothing I would ever complain about. I grew up with a fabulous example of what a great marriage takes. My parents have been married 28 years and are still so cute and in love, so I knew I would never settle for any less. They have argued, they have their differences, but in the end I think they realize they love each other too much to let it come between them. It is funny because that is the exact same way I feel now. We fight, sometimes we feel like we fight too much but most of our fights stem from the fact we don't have enough time together. I cannot wait for the time when I am not in school full time and I can work normal hours so I can spend time with him and the family, all at once. What a concept! I get so frustrated sometimes at the lack of time I get with him because I really want to spend ALL of my time with him, and the kids of course.
Anyway, relationships do take a lot of learning and reflection. For example, I have learned that I used to expect Dustin to already know what I was thinking. I know it sounds insane, but I just figured he would be able to predict what I wanted him to say or do. As soon as I realized that is what I was doing, I knew I needed to express certain things with him and that I have no right to get mad at him for something he was never aware of. Now I know that I can hold a grudge for a (really) long time, and that is something I am still working on. Either way, I think people give up on some relationships too easily. I think they expect these fairytales and when they hit any obstacles they just assume they will find another person instead of working on their relationship as well as themselves. I think by working on my relationship with Dustin over the past 5 years I have discovered so much about myself, that is helping to make me a better person.
I think my biggest fear is becoming one of those couples that "falls out of love." I have never fallen out of love, and at this point I can't imagine ever falling out of love with Dustin, but I am just curious if that is what everyone says at one point or another? I know that Dustin is my soulmate so I know I will do what it takes to ensure that doesn't ever happen, but this is just one of those unexplained fears of my own. I want to grow very old with this man. I can't wait to retire with this him, move to California, live near a winery, and travel the world.
I am just in a state of feeling butterflies, love-struck, and general giddiness. I have akways been annoyed by PDA and people that can't stop talking about their love, etc.. I have been playing it down for so long, but I really cannot wait to become Mrs. Mollenkopf (or Mollendorn =]) and to live a very very exciting, adventurous, and long life with my love.
So, I really just want to tell some of my friends not to give up on love. It is out there, it just takes patience and will come when you are not expecting it. Don't give up on relationships if that love can be salvaged, just make sure your partner is all in and work through it! Life is far too short to keep running from yourself and love.
I am stealing the phrase of entering a "new decade" from my mother, not just because she is a genius but also because it is the best way to describe it. I am sure there is an easier way to explain this but when you are losing weight (therefore counting down) and going by tens, when you cross the bridge into a new 10 then you have entered into a new "decade." Well, I barely made it into a new one but boy is it motivating to see some new numbers on that scale! Makes me want to eat celery and water all day long if I can keep seeing progress, haha. Just kidding, I have been eating tons of fruit, veggies, soup, and protein... and no worries, I haven't completely eliminated carbs, I have just cut them down by like 90% haha. So, on that note everything is FABULOUS.
Oh, I nearly forgot, I went tanning for the first time in (probably) 3 years and it was W.O.N.D.E.R.F.U.L! Tanning is like crack to me. I never overdid it to the point I was orange, but it is so relaxing and rejuvinating... and I miss it! I told the lady that signed me up that this could be the beginning of a bad thing all over again. Oh well, for the time being I am going to enjoy it. I will be tan (without having to use a bronzer) and I will be happy!
So this week has been pretty exhausting. It started on Monday with Dustin having his surgery for his wisdom teeth. Thank God he doesn't remember it because it was something else. Although he was knocked out with general anesthesia we could hear him screaming from the waiting room and that just made me sick to my stomach. Sick to my stomach AND I wanted to punch some Doctors... or the Receptionist... or anyone that thought putting my fiance through this was a good idea. Well, at least now those teeth are gone and he is just trying to heal and maintain the post-op pain. So, when we added Dustin's recent oral issues alongside me picking up tons of OT (gotta have $$ for the trip) that lead to a pretty exhausted Kelly the past 4 days. Then, tonight I am finally catching up on my sleep when Dustin comes to tell me that Coltan just puked all over and is really sick. Great. So, Dustin gets him in a bath and I go on a hunt for a thermometer... which of course cannot be found so I had to run to the store. Of course at this time Dustin has popped a percocet, because he thought all the kids were going to bed, so I knew we were working on limited time before he would crash. When I get back we find Coltan has a temp of 101.5, which was better than I expected, and is complaining his ear hurts and telling me "I don't feel good." After some motrin, TLC, and gingerale he was feeling better enough to eat something and watch "Despicable Me." My last update was he crashed and has no temp at the moment... Thank God, my poor baby! I absolutely HATE having to leave when anyone in my family does not feel well. It was terrible leaving Dustin on Monday night and again tonight leaving Coltan.
It seems like flu/sick season is upon us... ick. Don't forget to get your flu shot!!
30 days from today I will be marrying my true love!! *EEK*
So, I have a few things I wanted to approach in this email. Let's start with my overly ambitious goal over the next month. I am going to do a cleansing diet for the next 30 days with the goal of losing 30 lbs in 30 days. I have convinced myself it won't be too bad because it is only for 30 days and after I will move towards stage 2, which is just general healthy eating and exercise habits.
This project will mainly revolve around eating habits and following a very strict diet consisting of mainly vegetables, fruits, and some lean proteins. Carbs are the enemy for 30 days. So, I will use the blog to track this little adventure and see if I can keep up. I am much better with short term goals like this, extreme or not. I am going to do my best to get as much exercise as possible but because the next few weeks are INSANE between working (average) 55 hours/week (gotta love overtime) + 12 hours clinicals (= 67 hours spent away from home, in a hospital), school-work, wedding preparations, mommy-work, Cory's Bday preparations, and somehow fitting sleep into my schedule I just feel like exercise has to take a backseat.
So, here we go... 30 in 30!
Now, I would like to take some time to vent about some personal characteristics I find incredibly revolting. These complaints stem from observations and encounters with many different people but mainly with some of the people I have worked with. Alright, so what is with talking down to people? What is it that makes you think you are so much better than the rest of us? Whatever this magic is about you, you still have no right to talk down to any other person. I am not going to go into the fact we are all the same in the eyes of God, because that is religious and anyone who has any type of faith would already know this. Instead I am just going to assume that you must have incredible self-doubt and countless insecurities. There is nothing attractive about being a bully. Seriously, nothing. Also, it doesn't cancel out if you are a bully one second and the next trying to be friendly and sincere. To be honest, that just comes across as a show, 100% fake, and really just makes you look worse. If you are going to be a jerk, then just commit to it and always be a jerk. If you do this then I will be able to anticipate how to act around you and I won't have to pretend laugh at your jokes or when you go on one of your "me" rants (you know what I am talking about, when you won't stop talking about EVERYTHING concerning you!). I try and tell myself to be the better person, but at this moment you can blame it on my lack of sleep but I would really like to punch you in the face. Insted of punching you in the face I will just keep hoping you find some inner peace and happiness and I will continue to be perfectly content knowing I don't have to treat people like that to feel better... I am very happy with my life, the love of my life, my kids, and the fact I am working on improving my life.
Second, why is it SO darn hard to apologize? I apologize when I mess up (although Dustin may disagree with this). When I make a mistake at work, I own up and apologize. Sometimes I may even over-apologize and that is something I would like to work on - but at least I can swallow my pride for a few seconds to apologize when I mess up. So, why is it so hard for other people to do? How is that someone else can not get something right, all on their own, and they magically turn it around onto an innocent person? I suppose it must take talent to be able to do that, but really that is just crappy. I have been through enough in the past 10 years to teach me that your ego is not the be all and end all. Having children made me realize that I am not the center of the universe, and not that I encourage people to just go out and have kids but it is definitely life changing. Oh my gosh, I pray that some of these people do not procreate, but if they did maybe it would change them. All I ask for is an apology sometimes. Especially when quiet/reserved/timid Kelly finally speaks up and shows you an error you made, instead of blaming it on someone else... just OWN UP. Ugh, it won't kill you. In fact it won't even harm you. You will probably feel better for being able to say sorry, maybe you will become a less angry person.
And O.M.Gosh PLEASE chew with your mouth closed? Especially when you are chewing on gum. I beg you, pretty please! Where on earth do people learn that chewing with your mouth open and snapping your food loudly is ok? Ick!
I feel a little better for getting that off my chest, it really has been driving me crazy.
(If you are reading this, and I work with you, chances are this is NOT about you.)
Finally, just a big shout out to my almost Husband. Today is his birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!) and he has not been able to enjoy it all due to some excruciating pain/issues with some teeth. I love you and I can't wait to celebrate your birthday properly. Here is to a GREAT year, and to many many MANY more. Love you and those adorable dimples =).
So, I am pretty sure everyone knows my Grandma unexpectedly passed away in July. Your whole life you grow up knowing your Grandparents are older and your time with them is (relatively) limited, but there was something so special about this lady... I swear to you I thought she would be here forever. I lost my Grandma Hagerdorn in high school, but I think I was too young to comprehend what the loss really was. As sudden as her passing was, we were at least given the time to say goodbye to her. My Grandpa Hagerdorn is another story, it feels like when his wife passed we also lost him. From that moment on the Alzheimers really set in and although he lived years after her passing, it still feels like I lost both of them at the same time. Now fast forward, I knew Grandma Lila had been in pain recently but I never imagined it would turn out the way it did. I look through emails from the past few months and realize she had been in pain for quite some time. So, my Grandma went into the hospital because she couldn't ambulate anymore and it all just snowballed into one absolutely tragic event that ended up taking the life of my Grandma WAY too early. The reason I explain everything is because I am really finding myself struggling since her passing. Not only do I feel enormous amounts of guilt for not calling her like I had been telling myself to that morning but I should have emailed and called her more often. The guilt pretty much just sits with me every day, I should have been a better granddaughter. The other thing I am not handling well is figuring out what the point of everything is? I know that is a vague question, but it is how I feel. I wanted so much for her to meet Coltan, Dustin, and the girls. She loved to laugh, and I can't even begin to tell you how much she would have adored Coltan (and Dustin, lol). I wanted to share my wedding with her. She was really proud of me for pursuing my nursing degree, and I really wanted to share that with her as well. She was the one I turned to for advice on how to handle 4 kids, working, school, and the chaos that is involved in every day of my life. So, I have been battling lately with trying to convince myself not to give up right now. I keep thinking I want to just give up going to school full time, find an easier job, stop working nights, and just relax and enjoy the time that I should have been devoting to talking with my Grandma. Life goes by too fast, and I cannot get that time with her back and that is a very hard realization. So, when this all hits me I read through her emails where she clearly expresses how proud she is of me and I just tell myself to troop on because she is watching over me and I hope she realizes just how much I really love and miss her.
Now that I have had yet another good cry, I can move on to another topic. Wedding. Boy oh boy, I have totally let that one go over the past few weeks but I can GLADLY share that I have just finished invitations today and they are going out in the mail! YAY! Although I feel nowhere near where I want to be physically to buy a dress, Mom is coming to town next week and we are going SHOPPING! I am mostly excited to just spend time with my Mom and my Sister, I love them dearly and I miss girl-time! Now, to just get Dustin to get fitted for a tux next month and we will be ready to go (lol, don't I wish).
My boys are actually with my parents this week, and as much as I miss them it has been a relief to catch up and even get ahead with homework and housework. Also, spending some quality time with Dustin has been nice too... he just lost a friend last week so it has been nice to just take it easy and let him handle the loss the best way he can. I even went to a movie alone today! I always wanted to but was afraid people would think I am crazy, the only weird part was laughing and because no one else was in the theatre I may have sounded a bit nutty when I kept laughing. Other than that, it was fantastic! Then, I went and bought some rollerblades because I am determined to kick some weight off before this wedding/vacation! I can't wait to go down to the park early in the morning, before the heat and humidity set in, and work my tail off! Hopefully this will help keep my stress levels in check as well, haha.
I think have rambled on enough for now, time to get back to business =). I hope everyone out there is having a really great week and don't forget to take time out to let those close to you know how much you love them! I have included some pictures of my beautiful angel of a Grandmother, I love you and miss you terribly!
(Thanksgiving in Seward)
(When Grandma came to visit us in England... look at poor Teri and her chicken pox!)
(Reunion in 2007... Technically Coltan did meet Grandma, he just so happened to be in utero =] )
