Relationships and Love.

I have been feeling full of love and butterflies lately so I decided I would share my thoughts on longterm relationships.

Growing up I always watched fairytales and thought that Prince Charming would just show up, sweep me off my feet, and we would ride away to live happily ever after.  Then, as I came into High School, I kept hearing adults say how much "work" a relationship was to maintain.  I thought these people were nuts, there was no way true love would take actual work.  Out of high school I had my first grown-up relationship and that failed miserably, and not for lack of trying but just because we were too different.  My whole world was flipped upside down when I moved to Ohio and I had no intention of meeting anyone anytime soon, but of course when you least expect it is when it happens.  Dustin sort of broke all of my rules and it didn't really matter because something felt so right with him.  We moved forward, we had some unexpected things happen *Coltan* and that was really hard for me to handle considering my past.  I gave Dustin some very hard times while I was pregnant, but not out of spite but because I was trying to figure everything out as well.  Anyway, he stuck around and fast forward 4 years later and here we are.  Relationships do take some work, but nothing that I would ever complain about.  Relationships involve arguments, negotiating, and learning... still nothing I would ever complain about.  I grew up with a fabulous example of what a great marriage takes.  My parents have been married 28 years and are still so cute and in love, so I knew I would never settle for any less.  They have argued, they have their differences, but in the end I think they realize they love each other too much to let it come between them.  It is funny because that is the exact same way I feel now.  We fight, sometimes we feel like we fight too much but most of our fights stem from the fact we don't have enough time together.  I cannot wait for the time when I am not in school full time and I can work normal hours so I can spend time with him and the family, all at once.  What a concept!  I get so frustrated sometimes at the lack of time I get with him because I really want to spend ALL of my time with him, and the kids of course.

Anyway,  relationships do take a lot of learning and reflection.  For example, I have learned that I used to expect Dustin to already know what I was thinking.  I know it sounds insane, but I just figured he would be able to predict what I wanted him to say or do.  As soon as I realized that is what I was doing, I knew I needed to express certain things with him and that I have no right to get mad at him for something he was never aware of.  Now I know that I can hold a grudge for a (really) long time, and that is something I am still working on.  Either way, I think people give up on some relationships too easily.  I think they expect these fairytales and when they hit any obstacles they just assume they will find another person instead of working on their relationship as well as themselves.  I think by working on my relationship with Dustin over the past 5 years I have discovered so much about myself, that is helping to make me a better person. 

I think my biggest fear is becoming one of those couples that "falls out of love."  I have never fallen out of love, and at this point I can't imagine ever falling out of love with Dustin, but I am just curious if that is what everyone says at one point or another?  I know that Dustin is my soulmate so I know I will do what it takes to ensure that doesn't ever happen, but this is just one of those unexplained fears of my own.  I want to grow very old with this man.  I can't wait to retire with this him, move to California, live near a winery, and travel the world. 

I am just in a state of feeling butterflies, love-struck, and general giddiness.  I have akways been annoyed by PDA and people that can't stop talking about their love, etc.. I have been playing it down for so long, but I really cannot wait to become Mrs. Mollenkopf (or Mollendorn =]) and to live a very very exciting, adventurous, and long life with my love.
So, I really just want to tell some of my friends not to give up on love.  It is out there, it just takes patience and will come when you are not expecting it.  Don't give up on relationships if that love can be salvaged, just make sure your partner is all in and work through it!  Life is far too short to keep running from yourself and love.

A new DECADE!

I am stealing the phrase of entering a "new decade" from my mother, not just because she is a genius but also because it is the best way to describe it.  I am sure there is an easier way to explain this but when you are losing weight (therefore counting down) and going by tens, when you cross the bridge into a new 10 then you have entered into a new "decade."  Well, I barely made it into a new one but boy is it motivating to see some new numbers on that scale!  Makes me want to eat celery and water all day long if I can keep seeing progress, haha.  Just kidding, I have been eating tons of fruit, veggies, soup, and protein... and no worries, I haven't completely eliminated carbs, I have just cut them down by like 90% haha.  So, on that note everything is FABULOUS. 

Oh, I nearly forgot, I went tanning for the first time in (probably) 3 years and it was W.O.N.D.E.R.F.U.L!  Tanning is like crack to me.  I never overdid it to the point I was orange, but it is so relaxing and rejuvinating... and I miss it!  I told the lady that signed me up that this could be the beginning of a bad thing all over again.  Oh well, for the time being I am going to enjoy it.  I will be tan (without having to use a bronzer) and I will be happy!

So this week has been pretty exhausting.  It started on Monday with Dustin having his surgery for his wisdom teeth.  Thank God he doesn't remember it because it was something else.  Although he was knocked out with general anesthesia we could hear him screaming from the waiting room and that just made me sick to my stomach.  Sick to my stomach AND I wanted to punch some Doctors... or the Receptionist... or anyone that thought putting my fiance through this was a good idea.  Well, at least now those teeth are gone and he is just trying to heal and maintain the post-op pain.  So, when we added Dustin's recent oral issues alongside me picking up tons of OT (gotta have $$ for the trip) that lead to a pretty exhausted Kelly the past 4 days.  Then, tonight I am finally catching up on my sleep when Dustin comes to tell me that Coltan just puked all over and is really sick.  Great.  So, Dustin gets him in a bath and I go on a hunt for a thermometer... which of course cannot be found so I had to run to the store.  Of course at this time Dustin has popped a percocet, because he thought all the kids were going to bed, so I knew we were working on limited time before he would crash.  When I get back we find Coltan has a temp of 101.5, which was better than I expected, and is complaining his ear hurts and telling me "I don't feel good."  After some motrin, TLC, and gingerale he was feeling better enough to eat something and watch "Despicable Me."  My last update was he crashed and has no temp at the moment... Thank God, my poor baby!  I absolutely HATE having to leave when anyone in my family does not feel well.  It was terrible leaving Dustin on Monday night and again tonight leaving Coltan.

It seems like flu/sick season is upon us... ick.  Don't forget to get your flu shot!!

30 days from today I will be marrying my true love!!  *EEK*

O.M.G.... 34 Days!

So, I have a few things I wanted to approach in this email.  Let's start with my overly ambitious goal over the next month.  I am going to do a cleansing diet for the next 30 days with the goal of losing 30 lbs in 30 days.  I have convinced myself it won't be too bad because it is only for 30 days and after I will move towards stage 2, which is just general healthy eating and exercise habits.

This project will mainly revolve around eating habits and following a very strict diet consisting of mainly vegetables, fruits, and some lean proteins.  Carbs are the enemy for 30 days.  So, I will use the blog to track this little adventure and see if I can keep up.  I am much better with short term goals like this, extreme or not.  I am going to do my best to get as much exercise as possible but because the next few weeks are INSANE between working (average) 55 hours/week (gotta love overtime) + 12 hours clinicals (= 67 hours spent away from home, in a hospital), school-work, wedding preparations, mommy-work, Cory's Bday preparations, and somehow fitting sleep into my schedule I just feel like exercise has to take a backseat.

So, here we go... 30 in 30!

Now, I would like to take some time to vent about some personal characteristics I find incredibly revolting.  These complaints stem from observations and encounters with many different people but mainly with some of the people I have worked with.  Alright, so what is with talking down to people? What is it that makes you think you are so much better than the rest of us?  Whatever this magic is about you, you still have no right to talk down to any other person.  I am not going to go into the fact we are all the same in the eyes of God, because that is religious and anyone who has any type of faith would already know this.  Instead I am just going to assume that you must have incredible self-doubt and countless insecurities.  There is nothing attractive about being a bully.  Seriously, nothing.  Also, it doesn't cancel out if you are a bully one second and the next trying to be friendly and sincere.  To be honest, that just comes across as a show, 100% fake, and really just makes you look worse.  If you are going to be a jerk, then just commit to it and always be a jerk.  If you do this then I will be able to anticipate how to act around you and I won't have to pretend laugh at your jokes or when you go on one of your "me" rants (you know what I am talking about, when you won't stop talking about EVERYTHING concerning you!).  I try and tell myself to be the better person, but at this moment you can blame it on my lack of sleep but I would really like to punch you in the face.  Insted of punching you in the face I will just keep hoping you find some inner peace and happiness and I will continue to be perfectly content knowing I don't have to treat people like that to feel better... I am very happy with my life, the love of my life, my kids, and the fact I am working on improving my life.

Second, why is it SO darn hard to apologize?  I apologize when I mess up (although Dustin may disagree with this).  When I make a mistake at work, I own up and apologize.  Sometimes I may even over-apologize and that is something I would like to work on - but at least I can swallow my pride for a few seconds to apologize when I mess up.  So, why is it so hard for other people to do?  How is that someone else can not get something right, all on their own, and they magically turn it around onto an innocent person?  I suppose it must take talent to be able to do that, but really that is just crappy.  I have been through enough in the past 10 years to teach me that your ego is not the be all and end all.  Having children made me realize that I am not the center of the universe, and not that I encourage people to just go out and have kids but it is definitely life changing.  Oh my gosh, I pray that some of these people do not procreate, but if they did maybe it would change them.  All I ask for is an apology sometimes.  Especially when quiet/reserved/timid Kelly finally speaks up and shows you an error you made, instead of blaming it on someone else... just OWN UP.  Ugh, it won't kill you.  In fact it won't even harm you.  You will probably feel better for being able to say sorry, maybe you will become a less angry person.

And O.M.Gosh PLEASE chew with your mouth closed?  Especially when you are chewing on gum.  I beg you, pretty please!  Where on earth do people learn that chewing with your mouth open and snapping your food loudly is ok?  Ick!
I feel a little better for getting that off my chest, it really has been driving me crazy.

(If you are reading this, and I work with you, chances are this is NOT about you.)
Finally, just a big shout out to my almost Husband.  Today is his birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!) and he has not been able to enjoy it all due to some excruciating pain/issues with some teeth.  I love you and I can't wait to celebrate your birthday properly.  Here is to a GREAT year, and to many many MANY more.  Love you and those adorable dimples =).